Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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