You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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