I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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