there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
