"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
