Where is the hickey?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
