So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize