Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
