Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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