so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize