Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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