Already got asked if we're dating
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
