I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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