It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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