I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
