My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Randomize
