I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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