The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
