i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
