Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
My hand turned me down
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize
