His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
