I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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