dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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