That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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