I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You are the jesus of drinking
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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