I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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