Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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