I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
