How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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