it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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