i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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