you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
