Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
