I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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