Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
