I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize