just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Randomize
