Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
