don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
