M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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