I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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