i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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