And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
