I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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