Apparently you make a good broom.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
