we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Randomize
