Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize