so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
