At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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