There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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