I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
