i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize
