Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Randomize
