So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
