I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
