I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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