Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i was born a porn star she said
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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