He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
