I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
