I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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