and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
