were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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