Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
