you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
