I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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