Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
