So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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