I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
