I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
This is the high leading the old right now
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
