Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
