Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
