i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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